How to Self-Love with Colonial Mentality

I am still growing up, and I want to continue growing up with Self-Love. In this current stage of growing up at the age of 46, I would love to take a vow. A vow to be dedicated to self-love. What is self-love? I define it as being compassionate, kind, and validating of oneself, as you would a friend. Now, as a Filipina-American, the idea of loving yourself can be challenging for a variety of reasons. An over-arching reason lies in the historical legacy many Fil-Am’s wrestle with... colonial mentality.

I studied anthropology and international development, focusing on the developing world and education. My passions lie with doing my part to recover, reimagine, and reclaim our indigenous pride after the brutal history of colonialism. Colonial mentality refers to the norms, traditions and beliefs we as Fil-Am’s (and many postcolonial cultures) can still espouse (consciously or unconsciously) which posit that Filipinos are inferior to Western peoples. This terrible mindset was planted in us by the white supremacist power structures forced upon the Philippines (P.I.) first by the Spanish colonizers (who colonized the Philippines for nearly 400 years), and then by the U.S.A. (who colonized the P.I. for 50 years) up until the Philippines independence in 1898. Such messages continue to block self-love growth within my culture.



I heard messages like... our native language makes one “cringe” or that there is no reason to keep our language because it’s not useful anyway. Family would get almost raging angry if I expressed interest in learning about the ancient Filipino script baybayin. There was always a derogatory tone when mentioning the Manobo indigenous roots of my great-grandmother. Discussions about the American ways consistently ranked them superior to Filipino ways... and one would be reprimanded almost meanly if you questioned this.

I have done a lot of work on my Fil-Am psyche so I don’t adopt or embody any of these colonial mindsets. I am proud of my Filipino heritage, and I am not going to let any colonial history or current systems degrade who I am. With self-love, I do not want to stand in anger at colonial mentality. I want to help it heal from the poison that was injected by a power structure that was poisoned itself. We all need to take the antidote to all of this postcolonial poison and do the life-long work to eradicate such mental messages and concrete structures from our minds and societies.

Tags: colonial mentality

The Songbird Supper Club

One day in the fall of 2022, I searched #musicianmoms on Instagram, and I found Cashavelly Morrison.

Firstly, I was looking for other women who were like me. Other women who could relate to the longing to create meaningful music. I knew that growing my friendships with such women would be fulfilling, especially since I got to know who of my friends were supportive and who were not as I began exploring my musical passions. I felt hurt and confused at first, but my encouraging friends reassured me that this was like the Universe making space in my life for my next world of friends who want me to be my authentic self (like they do in their own journeys). I am so thankful for these friends, these women, who are on their own journey of abundance and not scarcity. When we can do our work to heal our wounds, we can see others as other souls on a path of dream fulfillment, and we are all here on this planet to positively cheer each other on, not to be threatened or resentful of them. I am not saying I know that these were reasons why certain people left my life... some other friends told me this could be a possibility. I just wish true healing for every human being on the planet.

That same desire pulses through and through Cashavelly Morrison's work. This is a woman who is a monument of female power and communal healing! It was like the Universe answered my wishes as I searched for musical/artistic/feminine spiritual-seekers who want women to succeed. As I dug even deeper into Cashavelly's social media platforms, I grew even closer to her and her mission. One program she leads is called Soulbirthing, and I joined right away...

Soulbirthing is a lab for women to experiment with our innate power, authenticity, and creative expression. We practice clearing the blocks within us to become an open channel for our connection to the unseen mystery, seeing all that we imagine is meant to be birthed into the world.

I reached out to her immediately and joined this group. I also saw that she organizes a monthly gathering called The Songbird Supper Club in my hometown!!! I couldn't believe it! I started talking with her, and she invited me to perform three songs followed by an incredible interview. I am still reeling from this experience I had in March 2023, and I am beyond grateful. Above is a video clip of the time we had together in front of a sweet, intimate Winston-Salem audience. My amazing friends Brandon and Sarah Rose came to accompany me and support me... another set of friends I connect with so well. To them as well, beyond thankful.

I am so excited to continue my musical journey with Cashavelly as a fellow soul-sister, and I encourage all of you to check out all of these programs on her amazing website at The Center for Female Sovereignty.
https://femalesovereignty.org/

Tags: songbird supper club

This past March, I had a wonderful time singing at The Viking Experience festival in North Carolina. I connected with the great festival director Angela Hostetler-Reid during the NC Scandinavian Christmas Fair one year, and since then, she has invited me to sing at her festival for the last two inaugural years. Having attracted around 4,000 people this year, I am so happy for her success! Being surrounded by folks who love this historical era like I do, I am happy to cultivate my community in such a momentous way.

One necessary condition for me regarding each Viking project I do is that it is inclusive. Unfortunately, there is a contingent of this community that holds racist claims to the Viking heritage. Angela makes absolutely clear that this festival has zero alignment with that interpretation and belief system, and of course I am so thankful that she does. Being of a multicultural background, Norwegian being one of them, I along with this NC-based organization espouse the credo that Viking teachings embrace difference, travel, and gaining knowledge from others completely different from ourselves. Odin writes about this in his Hávamal. A lot of the Vikings found in excavated burial sites are of mixed race, as the Vikings traveled far and wide during their summer raids. My 6-foot-tall, white-blonde haired and pale blue-eyed Norwegian-American grandfather first married a Native-American woman; when she unfortunately passed away, he then married my Filipina grandmother who he met when in the Navy during WWII. Vikings for centuries have highly valued multicultural exchange and love, and it continues to this day. The word for "idiot" or "fool" in Old Norse translates to "home-bound" in English - someone who wants to stay in their comfort zone of understanding. Even if you can't travel the world, you can still expand your mind and heart by having multiracial friends, reading books, articles, visiting websites and social media of folks of different backgrounds, and benefit from the Viking practice of actively learning from multitudinous knowledge sources.

Singing for this crowd is a deep pleasure and privilege! I look forward to doing more such events, and if you have info about gatherings where you think folks would appreciate hearing covers of modern Viking folk songs (in my best and humble attempt at Scandinavian languages), PLEASE reach out to me! Thank you!

Tags: viking festival

Creating Calm and Wild in "Unstoppable Garden"

Whenever it is time to create a lyric video for a song, I am still a novice. I do recognize that creating a visual-emotional representation of an audio-emotional experience is an art form and I respect it deeply. Some of my favorite music videos are Björk's incredible ones, as they truly seem to be ripe expressions of her songs. I also love how she has always collaborated with great artists, not only with her music and fashion, but with her music videos too.

I have been collaborating with a video creator named Paul BZ on Fiverr for all of my lyric videos. Before my first video, I did research on Fiverr for a video creator whose style seemed to match what I was looking for with the song. I found Paul BZ and have been working with him ever since. The creative process with him has been pretty great, as it is clear that he wants to deliver excellently towards your vision for the lyric video. For a reasonable price, he will go through as many rounds with you needed to get it right.

The first draft stage consists of me describing in precise detail what I need for the song to be represented well. With "Unstoppable Garden," since I was inspired by the Netflix show Bridgerton, I wanted the backdrop to the lyrics to be of English country gardens, during the day and at night. I wanted to have elements of a curated and landscaped garden, kind of posh... but juxtaposed with a wild and free natural area. This is how I felt with this series, in that there is such a Regency-era lockdown on emotional expression, only to unleash an organic, uncultivated, natively lush experience of love. I had tried to convey this with the song through my vocals, and so I wanted the lyric video to attempt the same, and I think we did. So, Paul and I had 3-4 rounds of back-and-forth digital discussions, and we ended with this final product. I hope you enjoy it, and also enjoy real gardens that are clipped and ones that are overrun with life.

To contact Paul BZ, you can find him here on Fiverr's website.


Song Credits
Written by Kristine Moon and Kevin McNoldy
Produced, engineered, mixed, and mastered by Kevin McNoldy
All vocals performed by Kristine Moon
All instruments performed by Kevin McNoldy

©️ 2023 Kristine Moon / Cphonic Records. All rights reserved.

Tags: unstoppable garden

My producer mentioned to me that folks would be interested in "production notes." I thought to myself, "What are those?" After chatting more about it during our weekly calls, I understood. It could be very interesting to people how we create our music, and I'd be happy to share our process.

First of all, my music training throughout my life has been more recreational rather than competitive or professional. The closest I practiced to professional-style training would have been my summer program studying classical voice at The North Carolina School of the Arts in Winston-Salem, NC. It is now an incorporated university in the UNC system. I also studied classical voice at UNC-Chapel Hill as an undergraduate. My music theory knowledge needs so much practice and discipline. I look forward to learning more in my life. My music foundation mostly stems from composing by ear.

I have created music off and on my whole life. However, it began in adulthood and motherhood when another kind of muse started visiting me. So at the beginning of creating a song, I hear something. Either in my head or from external source, like a bit of another song in a café or sounds in a city. It can be 1 or 2 bars of a melody. I quickly record that melody in my phone. I have to be FAST because it will escape me if I don't! Then I can go 2 different ways: I can think of a theme I would like to write song lyrics about, or I come up with a line or 2 of lyrics that I'd like to develop. After I get some seeds of lyrics or themes, I then kind of shop in my recordings to see which melody would fit these words or topics. I continue to cobble together the whole song melodically...sometimes just the music and then add the lyrics at the end, or do these simultaneously.

After this step is finished, I record this song into my phone with a specific BPM (beats per minute) through a DAW app (digital audio workstation). I may layer in another harmonizing vocal. I send this to Kevin with a few things... I send him the vocals with a little description of the song, as well as 2-3 songs by artists I admire to show him what I'd like the accompanying music to sound like. I have an in-depth chat with him about these songs, concerning what parts or feelings of those songs that I'd like to emulate in my song and in which certain locations. The more clearly I can articulate what I am going for at the beginning, then the closer the song will be at the first-draft stage of the process.

After that first phase, we will have about 1-2 rounds of revisions before we fully realize the song. Throughout these revisions, I am basically tapping into how the songs are making me feel and how they sound...do the sounds meet my taste and artistic sensibilities? Do the dynamics of the song meet my needs for the message I want to convey? Are we experimenting with different sounds? Are we stretching ourselves into new artistic territories? When these questions are answered satisfactorily and effervescently, then we are finished.

I get song ideas from many things. From personal struggles like healing from past wounds, being inspired by art, or basking in the peace of nature, I write to help myself and others. With the song "Unstoppable Garden," it is funny - I became so entranced with the storyline of Season 2 of the British show Bridgerton on Netflix! I acknowledge that that can seem a bit too saccharine, but it's true! One big reason it carried me away was the fact that 2 dark-skinned South Asian women were at the center of a usually non-diverse medium, Regency-era British romances (like all of Jane Austen's films). They are fun and comforting (despite the non-diversity), and so when this show came out celebrating all colors and experiences of different cultures, I felt like that it was a good start for healthy representation on screen. This show filled me up, and so when my cup overflowed, this song came to me. I think I already had the the basic melody in my recordings, that I had recorded from an entirely separate moment of inspiration. I read some romantic poetry to massage my songwriting muscles and inspire my words. I took some of the images from the show into my mind...a garden at night, candle-lit everything, the juxtaposition of a totally repressed mode of conduct and wild, unstoppable passion...all the sappy things! These aided me in expressing in this song what I wanted...the persistent beauty of true love.

I am constantly learning. I want to continue to grow. Please share with me any sounds and artists you think we would like to hear (and any shows and films I should watch!). I am always wanting to add more colors to our palette. I think I will always feel new to this, but that is beautiful too.

Tags: unstoppable garden